Of Molehills and Mountains

March 26, 2010

Who of us has not had the occasion to make the proverbial “mountain out of a molehill?”  I for one didn’t know moles made hills (thought it was gophers, I’m all messed up!).  But I am WELL aware that humans do have a special propensity for making little things into BIG ONES.  I am amongst this kind of human. Why plough through a problem when we can add some extra weight onto that fishing line and really sink it deep???  Why see the issue for what it is when we can turn up the assumption meter, add a little pressure here, higher-standards-than-anyone-else there, you’ll never be enough on top and sha-bang!!!  Beautifully gnarled, gremlin-infested PROBLEM with no exit signs anywhere!!  It’s exhausting for me to even set the stage here!!!  Gads!

Let me give you a picture of how this very propensity played itself out in my life some time ago.  I have other examples but this one is typical and therefore representative of my pattern in this area (see also “overkill,” “overachieve,” self-flagilation”).  In the month prior to my 30th birthday I got the idea in my head that perhaps after smoking off and on from the age of 15, that maybe I ought to knock this out.  You know, clear that chemical out of my body so I could begin the long purification process for pending middle age.  (Now that is hilarious!)   Attempts to stop on my own failed in various different iterations so I decided to enroll in a smoke enders group through the American Cancer Association.  Perfect, just me and a group of other folk all set to quit together with the faciliation of a group leader.  I had some trepidation that the scene would be akin to Jack Nicholson’s experience in group in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, but I braved it.  They asked us to agree on a quit day (you did not need to have quit to show up there…at least when I went).  So we did and we got all the skinny on the intellectual reasons why this was all going to be a good thing, complete with a sticker kit to use to mark our days on a quit calendar!  Is that incentive or what?  So to the point here, I decided well, I wasn’t going to quit when everyone else did, I was going to quit a few days earlier so I had my very own private, “unique”quit date!!! I had a ceremonial last smoke before I even finished the last pack that it came from, having relished that aromatic last twig in my car in a grocery store parking lot.  Nothing but sacred.  Scrunched the pack containing the balance of the cigs and exhaled my final lungs-full of dirty butt smoke.  I had started my special journey!!!  It is anticlimactic after this point, really.  It was just so typical for me to make it harder.  Raise that bar so that I could be different, perhaps more victorious, whatever.  No ego there!!!  Sheesh!!

So flash forward to 2010 and the topic is not an addiction, (other than to be as hard on yourself as you possibly can in as many situations as possible), and now the molehill is my life:  bigger than a cig pack, smaller than the universe, so at least I have that going for me!!!  And the mountain I have created is around how I better have a huge station in life and a mega presence and supersonic message and a giant-sized purpose with  an order of mondo impact on the side!!!   Other than that I can pass go, collect $200 and stay in the game.  And I had a brief flashback to a CD from the effervescent, in-your-face loving-you-madly speaker Jacob Glass saying “You’re not so special, really,” to all of us and asking us to embrace mediocrity!!  I was so amused and relieved at the thought of it!!!  And even after having that insightful seed being planted, here I found myself today, the “make it harder and more impossible than it needs to be” pattern returning and no real sign of me embracing my glorious medioctrity.

And yet, for some synchronistic, awesome reason, I was given the opportunity to break my pattern today.   Let me just say that these kinds of opportunities are likely to happen to you if you engage in the work I do, that is,  if you find yourself sharing space with those earthlings called “life coaches.”  There I was, making the newest of mountains out of my current molehill, going about the usual rigamoroll like so:  “I shouldn’t….I can’t really…..but then so and so will think…..how will I explain….but there will be economic implications….it’s so out there….what if….there’s no way…..couldn’t I just….?”

And then the moment of truth came:  I had to confront all the voices of the “committee” (who honestly believe in their heart of hearts that they are helping you),   and say to them “thanks for coming, thanks for your previous support but I’ll be taking it from here.”  And what is it that I am taking?  Well, I’m going to take on a new “job,” and that job has everything to do with participating in three specific endeavors that make my heart sing.  I will be spending a whole month connecting with others, writing, and reading.  As the words roll out of my head and onto the keyboard I am keenly aware of a LACK of mountain here!!!  Whatever it is that is before me already seems to be “right sized,” and not a question of molehill or not.  It is sheer permission to pursue those things that make my heart sing.  There’s a boatload of unknown in the whole thing and that tells me that I am so in the right territory.  So I’ll be blogging about it this month and I can’t wait to see what happens!!!

Is there anything in your life that resembles making a mountain out of a molehill?  Will you consider giving yourself at least temporary permission to do something outrageous?

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